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An odd compulsion — preview
Wednesday, 30th Oct 2013 01:58 by Clive Whittingham

One of those glorious, strength-sapping, morale-denting sort of trips takes QPR all the way up to Wigan on Wednesday night.

Wigan Athletic (14th) v Queens Park Rangers (3rd)

Championship >>> Wednesday October 30, 2013 >>> Kick Off 19.45 >>> DW Stadium, Wigan

It’s the sort of trip that can have friends and loved ones of the few unfortunate souls who choose to make it wondering whether they should get together and stage an intervention. A Wednesday night journey to Wigan, some 400 miles on a round trip from W12, for a Championship match between the local side and Queens Park Rangers.

This is one of those where non-believers and football fanatics alike join in perplexity at why anybody would go all that way on a working weekday for a match of such meagre quality and importance. Isn’t this meant to be pleasurable? Leisure? Sport? Why turn it into such a hassling ordeal?

If QPR, as they frequently do, fail to deliver any kind of on-field reward for the die-hards then it can lead to individual moments in various deserted car parks outside northern football grounds where a period of self-flagellation takes place similar only to the post coital loathing felt after traumatic sex with a particularly large co-worker. What have I done? Why have I done it? Make it go away.

Last season it was Sunderland on a Tuesday night, at roughly this time of year and in almost exactly this kind of weather. Scrambling onto the only train running all the way through the floods to Newcastle on mid-Tuesday morning when the rest of our city was at work earning an honest living, knowing that only the God awful QPR side lay in wait with Newcastle’s Flares bar and a Premier Inn (everything’s Premier except your life) thrown in by way of compensation, could have been a chastening experience. All that way, all that money, and all we got was a lousy 0-0 draw that did neither side much good at all.

But then the bit they miss out of the “it’s bad for you kids, don’t do it” drugs education in this country is that things you know to be stupid, expensive and bad for your health are often quite enjoyable. At midday on Wednesday I’ll walk past the office blocks in Euston and look at the pasty, vacant faces of the emptied vessels working behind the frosted glass — people for whom the only thing to look forward to on Wednesday is the next fag break and the chance to go outside and smoke a bit more off this lousy existence — and I’ll smile because I’m going to a football match.

There’s nothing quite like being there, even when there is a vast, empty away end in the wind battered, rain lashed north of England for a poxy Championship football match of low quality between QPR, and their sort of half arsed attempt at tiki-taka, and Wigan, and their new found love of lumping the ball up towards Grant Holt. You know that bloater’s going to score on Wednesday night don’t you? Still, it’s got to be better than being at work.

Perhaps a better way of explaining the compulsion to give up money, work holiday and sanity for such a jaunt is by turning it around and saying there’s nothing quite so annoying as not being there. Wigan’s visit to Loftus Road last season proved to be a seminal moment in QPR’s dire Premier League existence — essentially the day when the family decided to flick the switch on the support machine followed by a couple more weeks of the not-so-Super Hoops gurgling and spitting their last slops of life into a metal tray live, in the case of the Reading away game, on Sky Sports.

Sadly — and I genuinely do mean that — through work commitments I was tied up in Cannes that weekend and forced to watch the action unfold in an Irish bar near the train station with a fellow believer/sufferer who I know through work, a couple of other English television executives seeking refuge from the whole world of television executives prowling around outside, and one rotund Walsall fan.

We watched the first 65 minutes to a backing of generic Euro pop before a barman could be persuaded to add commentary to the torture, by which time Bobby Zamora had made a miraculous recovery from his previously crippling hip injury, raised his boot high enough to stud Jordi Gomez square in the face, and got himself sent off. Nobody can hear you scream in space, and Bobby Zamora certainly can’t hear you call him a shitgibbon all the way from Cannes however loud you yell it — and boy did I yell it loudly.

There was the glorious Loic Remy goal to come of course, celebrated with a spectacular fall from a bar stool, and then the heartbreak of the Shaun Maloney injury time equaliser that conclusively cracked that final nail into Rangers’ coffin lid.

It was at the moment the ball brushed into the back of Julio Cesar’s net and fell to the floor that our resident Brummie decided to raise himself, saunter across the bar, and initiate a conversation about where I was from, what I did for a living, and whether I thought that absolutely was QPR’s definite last chance of survival gone. I thought monosyllabic grunting would drop a subtle enough hint but it soon became apparent, when this potato-like remedial set off on a history of Walsall (the town, not the football club) from 1867 onwards, that I was mistaken. That left me with no choice but to head back out onto the sun kissed streets running down to the Croisette where I slumped on a bench looking like my dog had just been run over and several thousand beautiful French people walked by totally oblivious to the latest QPR v Wigan score. Well, I could have torn his arm out of its socket and beaten him to death with the soggy end, but even the French frown upon such behaviour.

It’s at times like that you need to be there, among those who understand how you feel, and why it’s important, and why — eventually, after a beer or four — it’s quite funny. Typical QPR eh?

Wouldn’t do anything else with my time.

Links >>> History >>> Referee >>> http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33209/tough-act-to- Profile >>> http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33072/lfw-travel-gu Guide

Andy Thomson celebrates giving QPR the lead on the stroke of half time in their first ever trip to Wigan back in 2001. Tony Dinning equalised for the hosts in the second half but the Second Division encounter was settled in the Londoner’s favour in injury time by a bizarre own goal from Ged Brennan. QPR finished eighth that season under Ian Holloway, Wigan tenth.

Wednesday

Team News The reasonably harsh treatment of Joey Barton by Championship opponents and referees alike has finally yielded some results — a fifth yellow card of the season at Burnley on Saturday means he’s suspended for this one. Ale Faurlin and Jermaine Jenas seem to be front and centre of the queue to replace him with Little Tom Carroll still wearing a protective baby bootie on whatever knock it was he picked up for the England Under 21s last week. Nedum Onuoha and Bobby Zamora are long term absentees, while Andy Johnson is back in training and may feature.

Wigan have Shaun Maloney and Gary Caldwell out with hip injuries and defender Ivan Ramis has a knee injury but it’s in goal where their problems lie with Scott Carson turning an ankle just before the weekend game at Charlton and joining previous first choice Ali Al-Habsi on the treatment table. That means young Lee Nicholls is likely to be thrust into the spotlight but given the youth team graduate’s exceptional performance in that 0-0 draw at The Valley on Saturday that might actually be a blessing for the home team.

Referee: Just a dozen games into the season and already they’re recycling our referees. Michael Naylor from South Yorkshire takes charge on Wednesday having previously controlled QPR’s home game against Ipswich earlier this season, which of course ended with a memorable last minute winner for Tom Hitchcock. All Naylor’s stats and previous QPR history are available by clicking here.

Form

Wigan: Worth pointing out to begin with that this is already Wigan’s seventeenth game of the season thanks to their European commitments, and the difference between their results on this ground and away from home are stark. At home they’ve won four, drawn three and lost none — three wins and two draws in the league. That’s the form of a champion side, but it’s let down badly by their results on the road where they have won just one of eight, lost five and failed to score in their last seven outings. This all makes for a rather peculiar set of stats: lowest placed team of seven still unbeaten at home in the Championship; scored as many goals as third placed QPR (14) but won half as many games; currently down in fourteenth in the table.

QPR: It turned out to be the week for losing unbeaten records with Orient and QPR both finally succumbing to defeats over the last seven days. Rangers’ comfortable defeat at Burnley ended a run of 11 without loss. Prior to the away game at Millwall ten days ago the R’s were on a club record run of eight consecutive clean sheets as well but they’ve shipped four in their last two games now and dropped to third in the league behind Burnley and Leicester. A ninth league win of the season here would see the R’s back above the Foxes into the automatic promotion spots. An exemplary away record of three wins and a draw with only one conceded has now given way to one point from six with four conceded. Still, the six goals against this season remains by far the best defensive record in the Football League.

Betting: Professional odds compiler Owen Goulding tells us…

“QPR travel to Wigan on the back of their first defeat of the season. They were fairly beaten by a rampant Burnley side and will look to bounce back at the always 'less than intimidating' DW Stadium.

“QPR set up much the way they have at every away game this season at the weekend - try to be strong defensively and nick a goal on the break. Its worked well this season with an array of 1-0's but this time it was not to be and does beg the question whether we will see a more attacking away performance on Wednesday. The problem here though is Wigan play that brand of football home or away, and so it’s hard to say whether this one will be a tight cagey affair with few chances, or an open game of football on the wide expanse of the Wigan playground.

“I tend to think it will be the former. Wigan will be playing their third game in seven days as their European dalliances start to catch up on them. Wigan gained a point at Charlton on Sunday, and will be a bit disappointed not to have taken all three as they spurned a number of chances and hit the woodwork. QPR will be missing Barton for this one after he picked up his fifth booking of the season and so the inclusion of Alejandro Faurlin is likely.

“As for betting, it’s hard to commit any of my money to this one. In truth, I would actually suggest you keep your powder dry and recommend no bet here, but for those of you who just have to bet well, and it is bound to happen sooner or later, Richard Dunne to score first (33/1) and anytime (12/1) v Wigan…

Recommended bets: Small stakes - Richard Dunne to score first (33/1) and anytime (12/1) Skybet/Coral.

Prediction: Reigning Prediction League champion Mase tells us…

“Doing actual research, to inform one's view of a match, is a time intensive process. When there are three games in a week that is made all the more difficult. This is, admittedly, less of a problem than Wigan may have before Christmas, so long as their involvement in the Europa League continues. They are routinely playing more than once a week, often in far-flung and unlikely destinations. It looks like the novelty is fast wearing off; the dozen Rubin Kazan followers who made the trip to Lancashire last week were scarcely outnumbered by the home fans. For a club which had made itself if not quite a mainstay of the Premier League in the last decade, then certainly getting on for one, the priority this season must be getting back up. To the "Barclays Premier League", as Owen Coyle insists on referring to it.

“The start to the league season has not been characterised by too much promise thus far. Wigan sit mid-table and Roberto Martinez's move to Everton saw him prize away some of the better assets. The losses of McCarthy, Kone and Figueroa will not be easy to mend. To illustrate my point: Scott Carson has returned to England but unfortunately for us may be injured for this one.

“A dour goalless affair at the weekend at Charlton was, however, better than we managed. This is going to be a test of our character with voices of dissent increasingly emerging since Steve McClaren's departure (across the message board, at least) to question the efficacy of our training methods and certain staff. As it happens I can see this being frustratingly similar to Burnley; a home team 'up for it' and an away side coping with key performers at the back being below par and lack of a dependable creative spark further up the pitch. My victory in the Prediction League last year was predicated on a solid vein of pessimistic predictions; after some short lived optimism for my Burnley piece, I am reverting to type.”

Mase’s Prediction: Wigan 1 QPR 0, No Scorer

LFW’s Prediction: Wigan 0 QPR 1, Charlie Austin

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Pictures — Action Images

Photo: Action Images



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Kiwi76 added 03:56 - Oct 30
Thanks for the efforts Clive and have given me a smile at end of working day down here - especially the large co-worker analogy! You will be bang on with Holt scoring so will need to get a couple at least to win. Hoping for a better performance than Sat anyway.
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QPRski added 07:07 - Oct 30
"QPR and their sort of half arsed attempt at tiki-taka" - excellent summary of our recent play.
Have a great day.
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bringbackclough added 07:14 - Oct 30
Your description of the immense effort required to steel yourself for a long midweek trip up north for a possible 0-0 result makes me pleased I live in New Zealand and have a good excuse for not going to the game
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isawqpratwcity added 09:44 - Oct 30
Clive, I keep tabs on the time stuff is posted so I know the time difference, especially around change-of-clocks. Mate, you work way too hard. Don't think it isn't appreciated, but you still need to work out a better way of this stuff happening.
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Northernr added 10:05 - Oct 30
I quite like working at night to be honest mate...
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gigiisourgod added 10:18 - Oct 30
Brilliant preview. Back with a bang!
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worbo added 10:55 - Oct 30
Masse - "They are routinely playing more than once a week, often in far-flung and unlikely destinations. It looks like the novelty is fast wearing off; the dozen Rubin Kazan followers who made the trip to Lancashire last week were scarcely outnumbered by the home fans. " The attendance that night was 14,723! I think we did outnumber the 12 travelling fans quite considerably
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Antti_Heinola added 10:59 - Oct 30
If Owen went with his head a bit more, he'd take a tip from Norf: Bet everything you have on Holt getting a goal at some point at 13/8 - or a fiver on Holt to score at any time and Wigan to win - 7/2, or a quid on Holt and 1-0: a very tasty 25/1.
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extratimeR added 12:37 - Oct 30
Possibly your funniest piece.

Brilliant, and how bloody true!

Thanks Clive
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Gaztastic added 13:20 - Oct 30
Is there a book yet on which of our players Fat Grant Holt will get sent off?
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whittocksRs added 13:56 - Oct 30
I was/am that fellow R in the Irish bar in Cannes in April and how Clive described it was essentially how it happened. I could add that just after Wigan equalised, one TV marketing person I know who was also there whispered to me with absolutely genuine concern as Clive slumped on the bar head in hands, "Is he going to be okay?". I think I was in something of a state of shock, so I didn't reply but instead staggered out on to the street, leaving Clive and our giant friend from Walsall together.
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OnlyHereForTheNiko added 19:08 - Oct 30
"Sh*tgibbon"??

Where do you get these words?

Most amusing read but ..... please do not confuse us Brummies (surprisingly bright but unfortunately-accented natives of Birmingham) with the YamYams (surprisingly dim and unintelligible species from the Black Country towns of Walsall, West Bromwich, etc).

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yam%20yam

I wonder how many of your larger"co-workers" read this piece & thought: "Does he mean ME?"
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mase added 21:04 - Oct 30
worbo - point accepted and I retract what I wrote. Although I note that free entry to three Europa League games is included on season tickets which no doubt greatly assists in boosting numbers. All best after tonight!
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albiceleste added 07:21 - Oct 31
excellent piece - cut out keep!
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qprninja added 10:39 - Oct 31
That Wigan game at Loftus Rd last season, I was sat on my own in the bar of a Cornish caravan park we were staying at, watching first Zamora then Mbia cost us the game through being stupid. How many needless free kicks on the edge of our box did Mbia give away before they actually scored one, unbelievably brainless player. I see he got sent off for Sevilla against Real Madrid last night, liability.
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Myke added 21:35 - Oct 31
Hilarious piece Clive - I laughed out loud at the QPR goal being 'celebrated' by spectacularly falling off the bar stool
@qprninja - You conveniently forget the enormous part that Mbia played in Remy's wonder goal - the gut bursting run from the edge of his own penalty area, the inch perfect, perfectly weighted pass WITHOUT LOOKING at precisely the right second was, to me equally as impressive as Remy's strike. I don't feel that Mbia let us down last season - certainly not in the 'couldn't be arsed' manner of some of his colleagues
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