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Has anyone ever been caught short at Football or Public Event etc Me & Mrs Parkers 5 year anniversary a couple of years back ended in disaster had booked tickets to see her favourite group at the 02, the pet shop boys (I know, I know) and a lunch at the Malmaison all was going well had a couple of ales in a pub off smith street then on for salmon in hollandaise sauce, a couple more ales then on to the tube just as we pull in to the 02 the worst feeling to ever it a mans stomach did and I had that panic that only hits you when you know what's going to happen but cant stop it my arse emptied like you would do when clearing an old radiator there I was on the platform having to be helped up the stairs by one of London undergrounds finest, I then get to the top and fill my pants and jeans again before being taken into the staff toilets where I left my sh*t filled pants and belt Mrs P is doing her nut as she is about to miss her concert, so after a quick clear up I take my soiled self into the concert hall where I have to stand there for 3 hours developing nappy rash, the funny thing is about 2o people came to stand where we were but soon fecked off because of the stench I then had to do another hour on the tube with soiled jeans whilst getting more funny looks i only bring this up as i was having a beer with an Arsenal friend of mine who was telling me about the time they went to Munich and being so cold they couldn't move out of their seats so he s*it himself just to warm his legs up so anyone else got any caught short stories
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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Getting Caught Short on 19:53 - Mar 3 with 2452 views
errrr that will take some beating Filled a coke bottle in the back of a transit on the way back from the play off final but that sounds relatively normal now
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Getting Caught Short on 19:58 - Mar 3 with 2442 views
errrr that will take some beating Filled a coke bottle in the back of a transit on the way back from the play off final but that sounds relatively normal now
what you filled a coke bottle with shite??? that must have been a very wide necked coke bottle or you were shitting water mate!
AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!!
I sh1t myself in my car when my mrs was shopping once. Had to drive home, get showered, changed & back. She had actually finished shopping by the time i got back so I had to explain myself.
the unfortunate event is now used to explain to my 4 year old that "everyone has accidents, even Daddy"
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Getting Caught Short on 20:29 - Mar 3 with 2400 views
There was a product recently where tons of the product reviews were of this nature. Type "Haribo Gummy Bears" into google. Don't worry, it's just the low sugar ones...
Some truly horrific stories on there - who knows how true they are of course.
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Getting Caught Short on 22:58 - Mar 3 with 2296 views
I was in North London with my ex. We'd been walking around for ages and I needed a poo. It was like Mr Whippy in there, churning up. So I knew it was going to be bad.
Decided to have a pub lunch. When we got there I bolted downstairs for a cack. Not one shred of f**king toilet paper in the place. C*NT.
So I check my pockets. One hankie and one packet of Refreshers.
Had a horror cack and tried to deal with that with the hankie. It was like the f**king Exon Valdez clean up operation. I was expecting to find dead seagulls up my arse at this point.
With the hankie looking like it needed to be burned in an industrial furnace the job, quite frankly, was about 20% done.
The Refreshers packet was a bad idea and offered little to no help. I tried though. :(
I decided to gingerly walk upstairs and ask the bar staff, quite sheepishly, for a bog roll. But when I got to the bottom of the stairs I didn't have to. Giant stack of napkins! THANK YOU LORD! JAH WILL PROVIDE!
Took it ALL. Split into two piles (one for each cubicle - I'm in good karma FOREVER) and wiped my arse til it gleamed.
F*cking Refreshers, man.
[Post edited 3 Mar 2014 23:36]
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH MARTI THE REDEEMER WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
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Getting Caught Short on 23:48 - Mar 3 with 2244 views
Blackpool away fa cup 1990, had a heavy night and spent the morning pre game in the amusement arcade, I must of had a dodgy pint and had already trainspotted the B+B khazi, my stomach clunked and I legged it what's seemed like miles to the public bogs, got there and you needed a 5p to open the doors, had to leg it back to the amusements for change and only just made it back, the toilets weren't fit for tramps to use, had old wooden seats but for someone normally fussy where he parks his arse I didn't have any choice, shat for England then had to make do with shiny paper. I reckon I was 5 seconds away from doing what the OP did.
favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
One new years eve, many years ago, I went for a piss and while doing that thought I needed to fart. I tried to push the fart out and wallah out it comes (not the fart). I had been doing a few bits n pieces as it was back in my clubbing days so maybe that's confused the issue, but lets just say I didn't see the new year in in the club!
Also while in the early stages of a new relationship I went out for a meal with my girlfriend. I had lobster, after finishing my meal and before I'd even left the restaurant I knew some thing wasn't right. By the time I got home my guts were in bits. A little accident happened and my girlfriend (now my wife) actually ended clearing up the kitchen floor. I don't need to go into too much detail, but she earned her stripes that day, bless her.
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Getting Caught Short on 09:51 - Mar 4 with 2101 views
A neighbour once introduced me to a work-mate, and the first thing he told me as a 'here's-an-introductory-story' was how this bloke, on an afternoon in the pub with his workmates, blew his nose but shat himself as well.
If I'd been that bloke, I'd go work somewhere else.
i once pissed in seb fontaines record box at creamfields back in 97/98 ish.
unfortunately for hand bag house master seb, it was one on the long 'e' induced pisses which last 2o minutes.
improved his record collection though.
" I guess in four or five years, the new generation's music will be .. electronics, tapes. I can kind of envision .. maybe one person .. with a lot of machines, tapes, and electronics setups, singin or speaking .. and using machines " James Douglas Morrison | 1969
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Getting Caught Short on 11:42 - Mar 4 with 2023 views
A mate (not me obviously) went out with a girl once and more by luck than judgement he managed to go back to her place for a rumble on the sofa.
After a while he asked her if he could use her toilet but she said no, her parents sleep next to bathroom upstairs and she didn't want them to know she had a man in the house as he was bound to wake them up.
He said what can I do then I'm desperate? She replied, use the kitchen sink, which he did. A few minutes later he opened the lounge door and sheepishly asked her if she had any toilet paper!
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Getting Caught Short on 13:39 - Mar 4 with 1922 views
A mate (not me obviously) went out with a girl once and more by luck than judgement he managed to go back to her place for a rumble on the sofa.
After a while he asked her if he could use her toilet but she said no, her parents sleep next to bathroom upstairs and she didn't want them to know she had a man in the house as he was bound to wake them up.
He said what can I do then I'm desperate? She replied, use the kitchen sink, which he did. A few minutes later he opened the lounge door and sheepishly asked her if she had any toilet paper!
Admit it, it WAS you !
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Getting Caught Short on 13:47 - Mar 4 with 1916 views
Ipswich away a few season back - Danny Shittu (who else) ran to the corner flag and let out a huge jam tart - I swear as he jogged away SWP dropped out of the back of his shorts.
a couple of weeks ago the girl in my local newsagent was telling me what a hell of a day she had. A lady came in to ask where her husband was as he'd been gone for 20 minutes. He had been paying a visit to the khazi and left it in a terrible state. She spent hours cleaning up the mess, throwing away 2 mops. She made me laugh when a customer complained she had to wait and was late for her train and where was she. ''I've been in the toilet clearing up shit'' she screamed at the startled customer
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Getting Caught Short on 09:42 - Mar 5 with 1665 views
Out on a walk I did what is politely known as a 'fart of substance' or 'shart' elsewhere. Ended up having to do that funny scooty thing that dogs do when they drag their @rse along the grass using only their front legs
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Getting Caught Short on 09:48 - Mar 5 with 1660 views
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errrr that will take some beating 
