| Over in Beesland.... 10:24 - Oct 27 with 7892 views | qprxtc |
Someone over at the Brentford messageboard sat down to write this, must've taken a while. I'm going home to snort some charlie, neck some Diamond White and give my hooped earringed bird a slap. Slags:
beenthere
Join Date: Aug 2009Location: FrancePosts: 571 Threads: 0Posts You Liked: 45269 Likes for 126 Posts
OK. This is how I see it panning out.
Nb. This is a bit longer than normal given the importance of the match
Forget El Classico, forget The Old Firm, forget Man U v Liverpool and forget Rio’s Fla-Flu.
This is the big one.
By Friday morning, red and white rosettes are like gold dust in TW8, the streets are gaily decked in bunting all the way from the old fire station right up to the Half Acre. The noble folk of the parish go to their honest toil with even more than the normal pride as they anticipate the coming confrontation.
Down the road in the Bush, the bovine tattooed louts shudder while their constipated chain-smoking women toy listlessly with their enormous hoop earrings, munch on slices of cold Aldi pizza and take copious swigs from bottles of Diamond White as they bellow obscenely at their numerous moronic offspring. They all know their hour is nigh.
Meanwhile in Addis-Ababa, an Air Asia flight refuels en route to Heathrow…
At Griffin Park, in a lead-lined clean room buried many levels below the luminous Motz, Lee Carsley and some other bloke look on in glazed Pavlovian expectancy as Phil Giles and Rasmus re-run the sophisticated team selection software through the massively powerful Amstrad PC 1512. The top-secret print out is then sealed in a strong box to which only those present have the combination.
Over in W12, Chris Ramsey searches his threadbare overcoat for that pencil he nicked from IKEA. He licks the lead and slowly mouths the words as he scribbles on the back of a betting slip in barely legible capitals his team choices.
By early evening, the fall out from hurricane Patricia brings strong winds and rain to West London. The Bees faithful begin to congregate in the local hostelries and warm themselves with delicious mulled wine before glowing log fires. Up the road in west Ken, the revolting detritus that is the QPR support musters itself from its lethargy and queues up for 237s down to God’s own borough.
Come 7.30, GP is full to capacity. Guest of honour and veteran of both Bees and QPR; Mark Lazarus is paraded around the pitch to full-on abuse and a hail of coins from both sets of fans. In the directors’ box Matthew Benham shakes Tony Fernandes warmly by the throat and the top-secret team selections are announced. To absolutely no-ones surprise, both teams are unchanged from their previous outings. Natalie is on the touchline and sees through her summary despite off-colour background comments regarding her young man’s sexual proclivities from the Ealing road. Bees are in fine voice as they perform an acapella version of “Your going to get your f*ck*n’ ‘ead kicked in” in the manner of the Military Wives. Queen’s Pork Rovers respond with a vapid rendition of Ed Sheeren’s “People fall in love in mysterious ways”; it really doesn’t have the same impact at all.
Once given the nod by the sky bloke, the game gets underway. Again the Bees are superb, Judge is unstoppable and the assembled premiership scouts are all waving blank cheques at him whenever he gets close. Woods is running around all over, and Diagoraga is doing that flappy arm thing he always does when he turns and runs with the ball. Marco nips in and it’s 1-0, Yennaris gets on the score sheet too.
Half time Us 2 - Them 0.
Wind and rain persist as the second half kicks off with us playing towards the Ealing Road. On sixty minutes a strong gust lofts a Rob Green goal kick high and long, Button slips as he runs backwards, 2-1.
Canos comes on for Mac, Vibe for Marcos etc. We are pushing like mad but the score stays 2-1, in the dying seconds they break away and Charlie Austin collects a wind assisted long pass, checks, shoots…back of the net! Lino flags, ref says offside. Mayhem ensues. Fernandes runs down to the touchline and gesticulates wildly, over in the Andy Scott Memorial dugouts, Ramsey is losing it big time. The ref waves away the protests of the players and blows for time as soon as the game restarts. Bees pitch invasion!!! Flares and everything.
While all this is going on, the London bound Air Asia Boeing makes its final approach and lowers its undercarriage, several dozen plastic bags full of un-cut heroin fall earthwards. Buffeted by the storm they tumble towards GP and begin to land in front of the Wendy House. Despite their defeat the QPR also invade the pitch as they recognise the all too familiar China White they so regularly purchase round the back of Westfield.
Result: Us 2 - them 1
Notwithstanding their defeat, QPR go home happy having chased the dragon while waiting for the 237 home to their terrible lives.
Saturday morning the Guns and Drugs Unit raid Loftus road, Fernandes is arrested and charged. With QPR’s funding now explained, the FA begins preliminary expulsion proceedings against the club and the Bees are all still out on the lash. |  | | |  |
| Over in Beesland.... on 10:30 - Oct 27 with 5357 views | WokingR |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:30 - Oct 27 with 5356 views | BrianMcCarthy |
Well, somebody studied essay composition in secondary school. Last year. |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:33 - Oct 27 with 5336 views | Mytch_QPR |
Overall, a very accurate and incisive prediction - accept for the glaring error about Austin playing.
Anyone seen my Aldi pizza? |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:43 - Oct 27 with 5275 views | loftboy |
Described my Mrs to a tee!! |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:48 - Oct 27 with 5250 views | DWQPR |
Has Clive secretly been a Bees fan all this time and over the last ten years successfully infiltrated the Bastion of QPR support that is LFW? Did his last match report which all but extolled the continued virtues of Chris 'nice bloke' Ramsey in reality be a piece of carefully planted Brentford propaganda to make us feel that he is indeed the Woolly Hatted One that will take QPR out of the Championship? I think we need to be wary fellow R's. |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:51 - Oct 27 with 5236 views | toboboly |
Hehehehe. Quite liked that. I have a fair few friends who are Brentford fans and I can confirm that they do like rosettes and bunting.
Weird. |  |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 10:56 - Oct 27 with 5210 views | Antti_Heinola |
Excellent work.
Like reading a Disco post, only it makes sense. |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 11:00 - Oct 27 with 5179 views | SomersetHoops |
I had an Amstrad PC1512 when they first came out. It didn't take long to discover its limitations, hopefully the same thing will happen to Brentford FC. Otherwise it was quite entertaining, but hopefully completely inaccurate. |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 11:05 - Oct 27 with 5167 views | Mytch_QPR |
| Over in Beesland.... on 10:56 - Oct 27 by Antti_Heinola |
Excellent work.
Like reading a Disco post, only it makes sense. |
It's a Konk imitation, but quite entertaining nonetheless.
Their lad Judge did look top drawer from the TV highlights at the weekend, might be worth getting Diakite back in to the squad to 'look after' him (maybe stick Sandro on him too)... | |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 11:39 - Oct 27 with 5053 views | Match82 |
"Bovine tattooed louts"
Own up then, who has a cow tattoo? These stereotypes don't start from nowhere... |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 12:01 - Oct 27 with 4992 views | loftboy |
| Over in Beesland.... on 11:39 - Oct 27 by Match82 |
"Bovine tattooed louts"
Own up then, who has a cow tattoo? These stereotypes don't start from nowhere... |
I've got the Mrs name on my arm if that counts! | |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 12:20 - Oct 27 with 4915 views | whittocksRs |
Think that's quite funny.
Also would say they are going to be well up for this one, so we should try to get to the same headspace. Otherwise it's going to be Fulham all over again. | | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 12:41 - Oct 27 with 4836 views | Lblock |
The biggest issue is though......... Griffin Park wont be packed to capacity... I hear that those Feltham mugs haven't even sold out in their Cup Final !!! |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 12:53 - Oct 27 with 4777 views | warrenfox4 |
Q: How do you castrate a Brentford fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 13:31 - Oct 27 with 4631 views | LadbrokeR |
What i don't get is since when has this become a cup final. I am old enough to remember playing Chelsea during the day in the miners strike and Chelsea turning up in big numbers and bullying people. That was when it changed for me. Ever since that day in my teenage years. Then there was Easter time in 86, the turn out at their place in the FA cup, Heidar and the rest is history. The point that i'm making is that new breed Chelsea post 2003 don't really get it but the old school do. Is this Brentford thing something that an old geezer like me doesn't get ? | | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 14:47 - Oct 27 with 4482 views | kensalriser |
Oh dear. All a bit cringey. This really is their cup final isn't it. |  |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 15:44 - Oct 27 with 4350 views | connell10 |
| Over in Beesland.... on 13:31 - Oct 27 by LadbrokeR |
What i don't get is since when has this become a cup final. I am old enough to remember playing Chelsea during the day in the miners strike and Chelsea turning up in big numbers and bullying people. That was when it changed for me. Ever since that day in my teenage years. Then there was Easter time in 86, the turn out at their place in the FA cup, Heidar and the rest is history. The point that i'm making is that new breed Chelsea post 2003 don't really get it but the old school do. Is this Brentford thing something that an old geezer like me doesn't get ? |
My dad is 88 and he gets it , I'm 50 and don't!! Tax  |  |
| AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!! | | Poll: | best number 10 ever? |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 15:58 - Oct 27 with 4306 views | Cliff |
| Over in Beesland.... on 15:44 - Oct 27 by connell10 |
My dad is 88 and he gets it , I'm 50 and don't!! Tax |
We're locals so we should by rights be fierce rivals.
The only problem is we've rarely spent much time in the same division over most of our lifetimes (I'm 55) so it's never really built up to much.
I can see it a bit from their point of view, I mean who else would be their team to beat / hate? |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:03 - Oct 27 with 4289 views | Northernr |
| Over in Beesland.... on 15:58 - Oct 27 by Cliff |
We're locals so we should by rights be fierce rivals.
The only problem is we've rarely spent much time in the same division over most of our lifetimes (I'm 55) so it's never really built up to much.
I can see it a bit from their point of view, I mean who else would be their team to beat / hate? |
From their point of view there was the merger attempt on our part in the dim and distant past, and pinching players like Sinton and Rowlands. |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:12 - Oct 27 with 4260 views | Brightonhoop |
Looks like it was written by a future Disco in retirement having smoothed his verve.... 
I've always considered them the Geoffrey Howe of football....  |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:24 - Oct 27 with 4218 views | themodfather |
do they want their "missing" ball back from that massive defeat we gave them in 03?? lol [Post edited 27 Oct 2015 16:25]
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| Over in Beesland.... on 16:25 - Oct 27 with 4215 views | WallyRanger |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:03 - Oct 27 by Northernr |
From their point of view there was the merger attempt on our part in the dim and distant past, and pinching players like Sinton and Rowlands. |
This'll be why.
Quite why they hate us over something that was averted and therefore Did Not Happen (though it might have, but didn't) I don't know, but I remember Bees mates constantly slagging off Rowlands for joining us, when Brentford released him in the first place 
I like them, I usually hope they do well in general, but I really hope we win, we'll never live it down, they'll be unbearable, the same way scum fans probably thought of us when we beat them a couple of years ago, so it's a big game for us |  | | |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:46 - Oct 27 with 4159 views | Lblock |
| Over in Beesland.... on 13:31 - Oct 27 by LadbrokeR |
What i don't get is since when has this become a cup final. I am old enough to remember playing Chelsea during the day in the miners strike and Chelsea turning up in big numbers and bullying people. That was when it changed for me. Ever since that day in my teenage years. Then there was Easter time in 86, the turn out at their place in the FA cup, Heidar and the rest is history. The point that i'm making is that new breed Chelsea post 2003 don't really get it but the old school do. Is this Brentford thing something that an old geezer like me doesn't get ? |
It's not our cup final -- its theirs.
I don't know of any QPR fans being all lairy or bugging this up as anything other than a local away game which means plenty more drinking time
That certainly the case for those around my age but youngsters and the twitterati might be different
The likkle Bees are the ones calling it "The Big One" and that's fellas of all ages and I can feel their excitement. They've never had a better chance of beating us
I'll be gutted if we lose of course but hardly devastated, plus I'll not be taking the rest of the year off if we win.
I'd just recommend the likkle Bees wind in their cockiness a bit | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Over in Beesland.... on 16:55 - Oct 27 with 4120 views | distortR |
| Over in Beesland.... on 12:01 - Oct 27 by loftboy |
I've got the Mrs name on my arm if that counts! |
Has she still got my name on hers?
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| Over in Beesland.... on 17:00 - Oct 27 with 4106 views | Antti_Heinola |
| Over in Beesland.... on 16:46 - Oct 27 by Lblock |
It's not our cup final -- its theirs.
I don't know of any QPR fans being all lairy or bugging this up as anything other than a local away game which means plenty more drinking time
That certainly the case for those around my age but youngsters and the twitterati might be different
The likkle Bees are the ones calling it "The Big One" and that's fellas of all ages and I can feel their excitement. They've never had a better chance of beating us
I'll be gutted if we lose of course but hardly devastated, plus I'll not be taking the rest of the year off if we win.
I'd just recommend the likkle Bees wind in their cockiness a bit |
or maybe we wind in ours with all this talk of cup finals.
i remember a few chelsea fans acting like this... before we beat them 1-0 and they had 2 players sent off. | |
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